


right from the start i knew (you'd set a fire in me)

by raewastaken (IWriteLove)



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: 5 Times, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 14:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5590120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWriteLove/pseuds/raewastaken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The five times Joel Rubin thought he was in love with Sean Poole, and the one time he knew he was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	right from the start i knew (you'd set a fire in me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [minipine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/minipine/gifts), [girlwitham4carbine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlwitham4carbine/gifts).



> baby's first shiphaus fic would you look at that. i'm ready to rumble  
> a super super duper big shout out and thank you to the two people i gifted this to;  
> EJ ([tumblr](http://ejraptor.tumblr.com/)), for helping me edit this so it wasn't a trainwreck. you're the best. and to abbie ([tumblr](http://kidswivguns.tumblr.com/)), who can feel alive with this fic again. i did the lords work for her.  
> i wouldn't have done it without yall!

**i.**

The first time Joel Rubin thought he was in love was the first time he walked into his dorm in college and laid his eyes on one Sean Poole. 

It was like one moment his life had been a haze of navigating his new campus and listening to Adam chatter on about one of his friends that were going to be attending with them, before his feet were glued to the tacky carpet of the dorm hallway and his bags were nearly falling out his hands, and Adam didn’t sound very happy about running into Joel’s back. At the other end of the hallway, standing with a taller blond and a dark haired man (that suspiciously looked a lot like Clark Kent), was a shorter, bright eyed teen that couldn’t have been any older than him or Adam, talking excitedly with a large smile on his face and reaching up to adjust his baseball cap, and all Joel could think of was  _ sunshine. _ He looked like nothing short of sentient joy, and Joel was  _ floored _ , cheeks going red and mouth falling open.

The illusion he lived in was quickly shattered by Kovic’s voice behind him. “Spoole!” The baseball-cap-wearing ball of sunlight and happiness turned, facing them, and God. It felt impossible that his face got any brighter as he bounded over to them, throwing his arms open and hugging Adam.

_ Spoole? _

Adam put him down, a smile on his face before turning to Joel. “Joel, this is Sean. The one who lived up in Washington that I met through the internet? Uh, he also goes by Spoole” he said, motioning to Sean, who smiled and waved, semi-shyly. Fuck. “Well, Spoole, this is Joel.”

“Nice to meet you,” he said, and  _ fuck, _ even his voice was cute. He offered his hand out to shake Joel’s, and Joel quickly moved his things around in his arms, taking his hand and shaking it back.

“Uh, you too.”

He smiled, turning back to Adam. “I need to go get settled in, but we’ll have to go hang out at some point!”

Adam nodded. “I don’t think that would be hard. Our dorms are across the hall from each other.”

Didn’t Adam say they were across the hall from each other…?   
  
“Oh! This is going to be so cool!” Sean said, excitedly, before turning and heading back down the hall, and Joel turned to Adam, his heart jumping into his throat. 

“That was Spoole?”

Adam shrugged, picking up his things. “Yeah. I didn’t think he’d be so short,” he mumbled to himself with a soft chuckle, before facing Joel. “I’ll see you later, dude. I need to get settled in.”

Joel huffed, nodding. “Fine. We can go get dinner or something later?”

“Sounds good.”

They turned their separate ways, Joel pushing his way into dorm 213, setting his things down on the floor. The walls are blank and the beds are empty, and it felt so strange thinking that he’d make this room a home for himself for the next few months. He felt a rush of homesickness for a moment, before the door behind him opened, and he turned to greet his dorm mate, before his heart leapt into his throat.

_ Sean _ .

He stopped, eyes wide for a moment, before he smiled. “Oh, you’re Adam’s friend!” he said. “Wow, we’re sharing a dorm?” All Joel could manage was a nod; he felt heat rush to his cheeks. “Cool! Which bed do you want? I’m not picky.”

Joel took a moment, trying to find his wits (and voice), before shaking his head. “Oh, uh, no, I’m not picky either.”

Sean nodded, not noticing Joel’s flustered demeanor, tossing his bags onto the highest set bed, climbing up and sitting on it. He looked back at Joel, smiling wide, and Joel felt his heart skip a beat.

This year was going to go  _ great _ .

 

* * *

 

 

**ii.**

The second time Joel thought he was in love was the first time he truly connected with Sean.

Sean was an interesting guy, but easy to get along with, when it came down to it; he was a bit messier than Adam had been in high school, but nothing Joel couldn’t handle. And sure, he was really talkative, but Joel was usually in the same kind of mood and Adam had never been able to keep up with him. Sean didn’t mind when Joel played the Rent soundtrack a bit too loud, and Joel didn’t mind when Sean yelled at his laptop during a Smite match. Joel was usually up at seven AM on the dot no matter what, while Sean would have rather stayed in bed until noon, classes be damned.

It was kind of strange to Joel that they got along so well, when it felt like all of his other friends were constantly complaining about their dorm mates, with the exception of Adam. Yet, here he was, more than pleased with his. After that first meeting three months ago, when Joel’s insides and brain were nothing short of jelly inside of him, everything he learned about Sean only kept adding more and more reasons for Joel to be falling head over heels for him; and God, Joel was  _ falling _ , and falling hard.

It was a quiet night in their dorm, Joel half doing his homework, while Sean was laying in bed on his DS, before the latter of the two broke the silence, sitting up in his bed, getting Joel’s attention as he looked up.

“Joel, I’m bored. Let’s go out and do something.”

He made a face. “Sean, you’re almost always bored,” he said, setting his pencil down onto his desk and watching him. “And where do you even want to go? It’s almost midnight.”

Sean hummed, crossing his legs on his bed. “We could go get burgers. There’s one place right up the road!”

He would have argued- it was late, Joel had classes the next day and his homework wasn’t even close to being done, and he doubted Sean would have made it there without passing out anyway. One look at Sean’s smiling, honest, glowing face, and Joel felt himself melt. There was no way he could say no to that face.

That’s how Joel found himself in an In-N-Out parking lot just after midnight, listening to the crinkling paper wrappers of their burgers, and taking short sips from his cup. Sean sat in the passenger seat next to him, munching on his fries with his feet kicked up on the dashboard and seat reclined back. There was a quiet beat of silence, before Joel swallowed his bite of food, clearing his throat slightly. “So… uh. How are you liking Cali?”

He didn’t get an answer right away, and he glanced at Sean, feeling like he got kicked in the gut at the look on his face. His brows were furrowed, lips pulled down into a frown as he stared blankly at his food. “I…” he started, before sighing and shaking his head. “It’s been great, really,” he told him, shrugging his shoulders against the seat. “I’m… I’m just homesick, I guess? Maybe I’m not adjusting well, either.” 

This Sean didn’t sound like the one Joel had become quick friends with over the past few months. He sounded melancholy, his voice catching on his words and wobbling in his throat, like he was about to break. Joel didn’t know how to handle this; sure, he was more sensitive than some of his other friends, but he didn’t know how to deal with someone who sounded like they were about to cry, who legitimately sounded upset by circumstances in their life. He sat there quietly for a moment, trying to find the right words, before Sean was swallowing nervously. “Sorry. Sorry, I don't want to make it weird. Forget I said that.”

“No, no, uh,” Joel said quickly, and Sean looked over at him, eyes widened. “No, I'm sorry. I'm not really great with this. But, I… I know how you feel.”

Sean made a face, moving his food out of his lap so he could shift in the seat, looking at Joel better. Joel was glad it was dark and the street lamp above them was so dim, because his face felt hot. “I thought you and Adam went to highschool together here?”

“We did,” Joel nodded, picking at the plastic lid on his cup. “But I lived in Louisiana before. My parents moved me here when I was ten. I didn't know anyone, and it took me years to make proper friends again. Adam was one of the first. We had science together in sixth grade,” he said with a chuckle. “After that… I don't know. It got better? I made friends easier after that, at least. So… I know how it feels, Sean. To come to a new place and know next to nobody, and have to build yourself up from that. And it sucks.”

Sean watched him for a moment, eyes deep in thought, before he looked away. “I met Adam through Steam in high school,” he told Joel, chuckling quietly. “We were seemingly the only two online playing the Smite beta one night, and ended up striking up a conversation while we waited. By the time the game had found more players to add, we were more interested in talking than we were playing. After that, it became a daily thing. I don't know if it was on purpose that we ended up applying for the same college, but I can't say I wasn't excited to find out we both got accepted,” he said, before sighing. “And… it  _ is _ nice, being here. Meeting Adam was great, but it was scary, coming here all on my own, knowing just one person in this whole state.” Joel felt his chest ache for him, before Sean turned toward him, and Joel refused to acknowledge the red on his cheeks. “I'm glad I met you, Joel.”

His throat felt tight as he nodded. “I'm glad I met you, too, Sean.”

He was  _ so fucked _ .

 

* * *

 

 

**iii.**

The third time Joel thought he was in love was the first time he kissed Sean.

It was six months after classes started and three months after him and Sean had had that first meaningful conversation in the parking lot of In-N-Out, and to say things had changed between then and now was… an understatement. The first big change Joel had noticed was how touchy Sean got after that night; he started leaning over Joel's shoulder while he was doing homework, climbing into his bed and laying against Joel's side while they talked, and sometimes even resting his hand on Joel's while they watched YouTube or movies. Joel wasn’t complaining, even if it sent his heart beating a mile a minute anytime Sean got near him now. It was a sign of trust, and Joel wasn't about to fuck that up over this stupid crush he had been harboring for Sean since that first day they met. He be  _ damned _ if he let himself do that.

This trust Sean had developed after that night also manifested itself in the form of more enthusiastic texts whenever Sean needed something and Joel was out, and sometimes when he didn’t even need anything. Before, they had rarely texted each other at all, just occasional updates on where they were in relation to the dorm and anything they needed from a class they both shared. Now Joel’s phone would constantly buzz through lectures from all the weird internet memes and cats Sean found suitable to immediately share with him. At first, it had been a bit weird, having his phone always going off when Sean wasn’t around, since Adam wasn’t much of a texter, but after a while he got used to it. It was nice, having someone who genuinely enjoyed talking to him.

It was cold outside, Joel remembered that well, and Sean had gotten so stir crazy that Joel couldn’t help but drive them both to a nearby playground so he could get some of his extra energy out. There was a large playset with three levels, with ladders and stairs going up, a slide leading down from each level, a set of swings in the middle of a sandbox and a group of monkey bars that Joel knew he’d be too tall for. Sean immediately ran to the swings, taking his seat as Joel trailed behind slowly. He was beginning to swing wildly as Joel came over to sit next to him, laughing every time he came up out of his seat at the highest point, and it was nice. It felt like being a kid again; no worries weighing down on his shoulders, no deadlines hanging over everything. It was just him, Sean, and a thousand stars drowned out by the street lamps and cars around them. Sean had dug his heels into the sand, slowing himself down, hands still gripping the chains. “You want to go sit at the top of the slide?” he asked, looking over at Joel.

Joel shrugged, smiling slightly. “Sure,” he said, shivering. It fell quiet around them as they stood, walking across to the playset and climbing up to the very top. They settled down, sitting across from each other, Sean’s feet resting against the bars next to Joel, while Joel crossed his legs, sighing and leaning his head back, staring up at the sky. “I wish the stars were more visible.”

Sean hummed, looking up and shrugging slightly. “You could see them really well where I used to live,” he said. “It’s kinda cool that you can’t here.”

“How is that cool?” Joel asked, looking across at him, earning a soft laugh. 

“I don’t know!” he said, playing with the draw strings on his hoodie. “It just is. It’s different. So it’s cool.”

“I didn’t know different meant cool.”

Sean shrugged, again. “It can,” he said, smiling at Joel. “Like, you’re different and cool.”

Joel felt his face heat up and he smiled back, laughing slightly. “Wow, thanks.”

“I didn’t mean it that way!” he said quickly, and he looked genuinely flustered for a moment. “I-I mean… There’s just not anyone really like you, is all. I don’t really know anyone else who can go from classical theater to rap in the same playlist,” he said. “And you’re always dressed so nice? I don’t know how you do that, I can barely manage jeans and a hoodie sometimes. And you’re so clean, too. I don’t think any room I’ve lived in has ever looked so nice. And-”

Joel didn’t know what he was doing, really, when he did it; one moment Sean was talking, lips moving and voice starting to wobble in that way it did when he got excited. The next, Joel was pressing his lips against his, one hand on his shoulder to brace himself as he leaned across their legs. Sean inhaled sharply through his nose, frozen in place as Joel pulled away, and  _ fuck _ , he fucked up, he fucked this up. “I-I-” he stuttered. He could just imagine Sean’s bitter words, his rejection, the potential of losing one of his best friends. “Oh, I- Fuck, I’m sorry, I-”

His words were cut off by Sean’s hands in his jacket, pulling him back toward him, their lips almost pressing together again before the bill of Sean’s hat hit Joel’s forehead. Joel cursed, pulling back and rubbing his skin. “Oh no, Joel, are you okay?” Sean asked, his voice raised an octave, panicked and flustered. 

Joel nodded, reaching forward and pulling Sean’s hat off, chuckling quietly at the small squeak he gave. “There,” he said, before moving his hand to Sean’s messy hair and leaning back in to kiss him again. Sean moved his hands to the front of Joel’s jacket again, letting out a quiet noise of anticipation, before their noses pressed together awkwardly. Laughs bubbled up from both of their mouths, Joel’s fingers curling against his scalp slightly and Sean’s pulling Joel closer so they shared the same space, the cold forgotten in their minds.

“Wanna try again?” Sean’s voice was quiet, a smile on his lips and fingers playing with the zipper on Joel’s jacket. “Third time’s the charm?”

Joel returned the smile, before leaning in, tilting his head so their noses wouldn’t be pressed together again, other hand still holding Sean’s hat. Their lips met again, slowly this time, Sean sighing quietly as he held onto him. This felt so much better than the first kiss did; it was softer, warmer, felt less like a spur of the moment. Heat traveled from his cheeks down, settling in the pit of his stomach, making him feel hot all over. He dropped his hand to Sean’s waist, tugging him toward him, grateful that he got the message and moved into Joel’s lap, hands holding onto his jacket tighter. They exchanged soft sighs, lips moving together slowly and carefully, before Sean pulled back, breathing heavier and eyes searching Joel’s. “W-Wow.”

Joel laughed, because, shit, that was perfect. Everything about it was so imperfectly perfect; it was so Joel trying to be smooth and romantic, and Sean just being his normal self. Yet it was all Joel wanted, everything he could have  _ ever  _ wanted from the countless times he thought about this daydreaming in class. He smiled at Sean, at his red cheeks and disheveled hair, how his chest was still rising and falling to catch up on the air he missed, then slipped the hat he still head onto his own head, tipping it sideways and winking.

Sean laughed, so beautifully, and Joel felt his heart jump into his throat.

 

* * *

 

**iv.**

The fourth time Joel thought he was in love was the first summer after meeting Sean.

Spring had finally come and opened its doors to summer, and with summer came the end of their first year of college. It had been stressful thinking about being apart for that long, to say the least; in the short three months that they officially started dating, being around Sean sometimes seemed almost as necessary as breathing. He lifted his mood after a particularly bad day, grounded him when it felt like everything was going crazy around him and kept him company when he didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to say he was dependent on Sean but… it sure felt like it sometimes.

Their last day together, before Joel was supposed to board a flight to Louisiana for the summer and Sean to be road tripping back to Washington with his mom, was the hardest. They had stood in their empty dorm room just holding each other, for what felt like a lifetime, exchanging promises and assurances that they'd keep in touch - no, they wouldn't forget the other, yes, this was serious and there wouldn't be anyone else. When they had finally pulled away from each other, Sean had huge tears in his eyes and Joel vowed he'd never make Sean cry again.

It had been a lot easier, Joel had to say, than either of them had thought; between phone or video calls and texts, it was almost impossible to stay out of touch. Joel got to see some of Sean's family, and a lot of where he lived; trees so tall they seemed to go up forever, with overcast skies and mountains just off in the distance. Sean got to see just about all of Joel’s family and the occasional picture of Louisiana’s bright blue skies and swamps. During the day and when they were busy, it was all texts and hastily taken selfies. But when they were settled back at home after spending their day out and about with family or friends, they spent hours just chatting on the phone, about seemingly nothing and everything. Then at night, after their families had gone to bed and the time zone difference was a bit more noticeable, they laid down in their beds with their laptops and video chatted, their faces all fuzzy and pixely, and voices sometimes cutting out. Joel thought it was worth it to see Sean’s smiling face.

“I don’t think August can get here sooner,” Sean said. He was picking at a stray string on his comforter, occasionally glancing down before his eyes were back on Joel. “Being back home is great, but I miss going to In-n-Out with you.”

Joel chuckled and nodded. His stomach was starting to ache from how long he had been laying down and his eyelids felt heavy, but he didn’t want to go to sleep just yet. Not when he could be staying up with Sean. “Yeah…” he said quietly. “In-n-Out isn’t the same without you.”

Sean ducked his head, his cheeks going red in the harsh light from his laptop screen before he looked back up. “Oh! I almost forgot,” he said, chuckling softly to himself as he started clicking and typing away. “I found this thing and it reminded me of you…” His eyes slowly slid closed, listening to Sean’s mumbles and typing; he heard the occasional click of his laptop’s trackpad mouse, feeling himself slowly start to doze off before there was a soft laugh. “Joel, are you falling asleep?”

Joel opened his eyes slightly, seeing Sean smiling at him through the screen. “No…” he mumbled, lifting his head off his arms. “I’m not.”

Sean hummed, watching him. “Go to bed,” he said, shaking his head slightly. “I’ll be here in the morning. I’m not busy so we can spend the day talking.”

“But I miss you…” Joel said quietly. Sean turned red, looking down as his hands fidgeting on his blanket. It was cute when he got flustered, even though Joel was barely awake enough to take any real notice.

“I miss you, too,” he said, voice soft, picking at the fabric in his lap before looking back up and smiling. “I’ll be here in the morning, Joel. Go to sleep.”

Joel didn’t get to reply to him, his eyes sliding shut again. Before he fell asleep, he heard Sean’s voice in his headphones one last time.

“Love you, Joel.”

 

* * *

 

**v.**

The fifth time Joel thought he was in love was the morning after his and Sean’s first time.

It was strange at first, waking up in an apartment and not a dorm, to have an actual room that he could call his own and not just a half of one. Sure, most of the time Sean was sliding into bed with him at night anyway and they spent a good chunk of their time together, but it was a breath of fresh air to have their own spaces during those times when they needed to be alone. It wasn’t like in the month or two since school had started again that Joel had gotten sick of being around Sean. No, no, it was the exact opposite; they spent their entire first day back glued at the hip. Adam thought it was as endearing as it was gross. But once they settled into their apartment, decorated it and made it feel like a proper home between Sean’s posters and Joel’s albums, it was refreshing to have a place to go to quietly do homework or unwind after a stressful day.

Sean had decided the day they met was an important date in their friendship-slash-relationship, and had insisted the night before be spent out of their apartment and out in the city. They had gone to In-N-Out for burgers, sitting with their seats reclined back in Joel’s car as they talked and ate, occasionally throwing crumpled pieces of wrapper at each other. After that, a movie that both of them had wanted to see for a while, although Joel would be the first to admit they didn’t watch the movie so much as make out during it. It was a nice night, filled with laughter and quality time that didn’t include just lounging in their living room unmoving for hours.

When all was said and done and their date night was finished, they went back to their apartment. It was like everything fell into place in those moments; they had come in, still giggly and touchy from their movie, exchanging kisses as Joel tried to get the door shut and locked behind them. Sean had taken Joel’s hands after, walking backwards to his room, still giving Joel quick pecks with every few steps. They had both fallen into bed, lips locked and hands tugging at clothes, sighing and gasping between breaths, quietly asking for permission when things got too rushed. And it felt so right when Sean got tangled up in his shirt and they both ended up laughing, and when Sean pressed his too-cold hands again Joel’s hot skin and made him jump. It was a cross between all the romantic cliches Joel had wanted from the moment and everything that was so distinctly them; silliness and giggles in the middle of passionate kisses and hot touches.

Joel wouldn’t have complained if their relationship had never led to that; he wasn’t looking for sex, after all. It had been the last thing on his mind the first time he had kissed Sean, and anytime after that. He didn’t need to have sex to prove he was in a relationship with someone, or that he loved them, and the last thing he wanted to do was to rush into something like that only to ruin things. Joel cared too much about Sean to let something like that happen between them; he didn’t want to pressure or hurry him into anything he wasn’t sure of.

But that night with Sean came so easily. It was natural; to share goofy smiles between roaming hands, to have languid kisses after a laughing fit. Joel got the same feeling he did that first night they kissed; imperfectly perfect, and entirely them. Attempts at romance and silly mistakes all rolled into one moment that Joel knew he’d never be able to forget.

Joel ghosted his fingers down Sean’s back, following the dip where his spine sat and watching him sleep. There was early morning sunlight coming in between the gap in the partially drawn curtains, casting shadows across his face. Sean’s hair was a mess, curling upwards in places and still stuck to his neck and forehead from the night before, the hickeys Joel left still dark on his shoulders. His breaths were gentle puffs against his chest, arm still curled around his middle and their legs tangled together under the blankets. Being this close, Joel could see the freckles dotting Sean’s nose and cheeks, the gentle pink tint of his skin and how his eyelashes fluttered at every touch of his skin. Joel was lucky to see Sean like this, to see him so soft and quiet and warm, when he normally only ever saw him being his regular, eccentric self. He was definitely lucky just to have Sean in the first place, to have his attention and smiles and laughter, to have his kindness and love. He was so lucky.

Sean stirred next to him, nose scrunching up and brows furrowing as he opened his eyes slowly to the brightness around him, before hiding his face against Joel’s chest again. “It’s so bright…” he whined, arm tightening around Joel. “And it’s so early…”

“It’s morning,” he said with a chuckle. Sean whined in return, grumbling against his skin. Joel rubbed circles into Sean’s back, shaking his head. “Come on, don’t be such a baby.”

“I’m not being a baby,” he said, shifting his face to look up at Joel, cheeks going red before he smiled slightly. “You look good with your hair like that.” Joel laughed, letting his head fall back against his pillows while Sean sat up, laughing and moving his hands to his hair to ruffle it. “Messy hair Joel is my favorite Joel.” 

Joel grabbed Sean’s hands, holding them and leaning up, pressing a kiss to his lips. Sean let out a quiet giggle against his mouth before pulling back, smiling wider at him. “I love you, Joel.”

“I love you too, Spoole.”

 

* * *

 

**\+ i.**

Joel didn’t believe in love at first sight. It was a load of bullshit. It didn’t make any sense to fall in love with someone you didn’t even know, to fall in love with someone completely because of how they look on the outside. His mother had taught him not to judge books by their cover and he liked to believe he carried that close to his heart, even into his adulthood. But maybe he had been in love from the moment he laid eyes on Sean in that hallway that first day of college, maybe it had been love at first sight in this one case. Or maybe he fell in love along the way and never realized it. Somewhere between the deep, personal talks over burgers, or with tangled limbs and cold kisses on playgrounds, during the late night video calls, or the moments the love they so obviously felt for each other manifested into something more physical and tangible. Maybe it was with every bouquet of flowers Joel bought for Sean, or with the heart covered sticky notes Sean left on the fridge every morning before he left for work. Maybe it was with the quick kisses they exchanged on busy afternoons between classes, or maybe it was the slower, softer ones they could share at night. Maybe it was with every “I love you” they shared in the mornings and before bed, during classes over texts and in the summer over video calls. Even if he never knew when, he knew for sure there was a big difference between saying “I love you” and being in love with someone.

Joel Rubin realized he was in love with Sean Poole on a rainy April morning.

Sean was in the kitchen, making them breakfast from whatever they had managed to find in the fridge, humming some overplayed pop song as he went. He was wearing one of Joel’s button ups with the sleeves rolled up, and occasionally Joel caught a glimpse of the hickey that was fading away from a week ago on his neck. Joel was leaning against the bar, watching him with pink cheeks and slightly parted lips at the revelation in his hands.

He was in love with Sean. Sean, who never took off his baseball caps, who argued with Joel for twenty minutes over how to pronounce pecan, who sent him the entire first chapter of Twilight as a text once while he was drunk. Sean, who looked like an angel when he slept, who danced with Joel badly to the High School Musical soundtrack in their living room, who said Joel’s name in a way that lit a fire Joel never knew existed inside of him. Sean, who went by Spoole and came from Washington, who liked dogs and MOBAs and cold pizza. Sean, who he had been spending the past year and a half of his life with, who made his first two years of college memorable and wonderful and exciting.

Sean, who he loved. Who he was in love with.

Joel’s heart skipped a beat at the thought just as Sean turned, looking at him and raising an eyebrow. “You alright? You look spacey.”

“Spoole, I’m in love with you.”

Sean’s face shifted, cheeks going red and grip on the plate in his hands getting even tighter. “In love with me?” he asked, voice doing that squeaky thing that Joel loved no matter how much he hated it. 

“I’m in love with you,” he said again, smiling. If he had been the same Joel that kissed Sean back on the playground that cold November night, that creeping icy worry that he fucked up would be deep in his gut. But all he could feel was warmth; warmth from the words that just came out of his mouth, warmth from the way Sean was looking at him, warmth because he had never been so sure of something in his life before now.

Sean fidgeted slightly, becoming more and more red, before he turned, setting the plate down on the bar in front of Joel. “Do you want chocolate chips on your pancakes?” he asked.

It went quiet around them, only the thunder rolling in the distance and the raindrops pattering onto the windows filling the silence. Then Joel snorted, a smile coming to his face. Sean mirrored it, before they were both laughing, holding their stomachs and doubling over. When they finally calmed down, tears in their eyes and sides aching, Joel nodded. “Yes, chocolate chips sound good.”

Sean turned away from him, flipping the pancake in the pan before grabbing a handful of chocolate chips from the bag and dropping them onto the top, bringing it over to Joel’s plate with a spatula. Joel thanked him quietly as he faced the stove again, and was about to start eating when Sean’s voice rose over the rain.

“I’m in love with you, too.”

Joel smiled, before taking a bite.

**Author's Note:**

> [Follow me on tumblr! ](http://seanspooles.co.vu)


End file.
